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At the beginning of the year, I like to ask people what their next year is going to be all about. I asked a friend of mine and she said that she doesn’t really make goals. She’s very successful. She’s a total badass. She just allows things to come to her and when an opportunity arises, she takes it or she leaves it and that’s the way that she’s run her entire life.

She’s been offered some opportunity to do something and Decided, yeah, that sounds like exactly what I want, and then she’s gone and got it. She’s so successful that every time she tries something, pretty much she gets it. Because of this, she doesn’t feel like she needs to make goals. They just come to her and she tries the best that she can.

Balancing Achievement and Overwhelm

And she does all the things, and she achieves them anyway. I completely understand this point of view because I used to think that way as well. Part of it is that I know that I can accomplish anything that comes my way, so when it comes I just put my mind to it and I accomplish it. On the other hand, Part of it is also the feeling that I am so busy with everything already reaching my capacity that I don’t have the time or the energy to actually be the architect of the next thing that happens in my day or in my week or in my year or in my life.

The Power of Planning…

This is an idea that I had for a really long time until I was. Probably 40, maybe even older than 40. And then it started to occur to me that I could plan for things ahead of time. And that exponentially increased my ability to get things done. And it exponentially increased my sense of fulfillment. And Passion for the future because I knew where I was going and I could look forward to it and be excited about it instead of waiting for things to come my way with this sort of tension and fear about what it could be.

For me, that really helps me to gain a lot of power in my life and to stop letting other things influence what I was going to do, but actually to take the reins and to powerfully move forward doing exactly what I had thought about myself. And this is so fun because instead of problem solving on a set of rules that come your way, you actually get to create anything out of your imagination that you want.

That’s the way that I make goals now. The other interesting thing about my conversation with my friend has to do with me. 2023.

But I didn’t want to share what would happen in 2023. And that’s really funny because one of the things that I’ve been working on with my group is making sure to clarify exactly what your goal is, to write it down, to put it places where you can see it, and to tell people. And here I was in the first of the year, and I wasn’t able to tell her what my goal was.

Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt: Embracing Bold Goals

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I was afraid for a couple of reasons. One is I was afraid that maybe that goal was too big, and maybe I wouldn’t achieve it, and I didn’t want to share it and be wrong. The other thing I was afraid of was judgment. If she was going to think that I could or could not achieve that goal, if she was wondering why that was something that was so important to me to make my annual goal.

Exploring Fear, Goals, and the Uncommon Quest for Clarity

And the third thing is, is that I was afraid of my relationship changing with her. because of my goal. I didn’t want to share that with her yet. Those three things, I think, were stopping me. One, I was afraid I might not get it. Two, I was afraid that she would judge me. And three, I was afraid that our relationship would change.

And so I started asking a lot of other people, as I usually do in the beginning of the year, because I love talking about goals. I noticed something really interesting. This is the first time that I really intentionally have been asking everyone that I’ve been running into, most people don’t have a goal.

And I knew that the literature shows that most people don’t have a goal. The thing that was interesting to me was that of the people who do have a goal, they either number one, don’t have a specific goal. It’s a very general, like I’m going to earn more money or I’m going to get better at my profession, or I’m going to love more.

Unmasking the Reasons Behind Goal-Setting Hesitations and Finding Your Path Forward

And the other thing that they do is they don’t want to share it, just like I didn’t want to share it. They get all weird and awkward about it. It’s just super funny to watch. And so I was thinking, why don’t most people set goals? Why are they so weird about it? I think part of it is what I said before is the fear around it.

The fear of the self doubt, the fear of failure, the fear of achieving it and having to change your identity. So I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I came up with six reasons why most people don’t set goals. I’m going to talk about those but I’m also going to talk about how to actually start setting goals using these six reasons as a foundation.

The six reasons are number one, people don’t think that they can actually achieve their goal. Number two, they’re afraid of judgment, either from themselves or from other people. Number three, they’re afraid of the identity change that they need in order to make that goal happen. Number four, they don’t actually care about the result, meaning it’s coming from somebody else, either from society, a loved one, a boss, or even their past experiences.

Number five, the goal isn’t specific enough and the process can’t be measured. And number six. They don’t know how to approach all of the obstacles in the way. So let’s get down to business and start tackling these. Number one is they don’t think that they can achieve their goals. And I’m here to tell you that you’re right, you can’t achieve your goal right now, but you can use your mind to figure out how, and you have an entire year to do so.

You’re going to need to become a different person, a different version of you, someone who knows and does things that you don’t currently do. So in that regard, you’re right. You don’t know how to achieve that goal, but you do know how to learn how, and that is the first step. The second reason why most people don’t set goals is because they’re afraid that they or somebody else will judge them.

And I’m here to tell you that that is also true. The reason why you or somebody else is going to judge you, is because you’re not that person yet, you just have to show them that you can. When Marianne Williamson talks about fear, she says that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure.

And she says in that passageway, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? This passage resonates with me. The reason why is because I believe we all feel this way at some point. We doubt ourselves. And we doubt our capabilities. And we doubt other people. When somebody asks you, who are you to think that you can achieve this goal?

You’re an amazing and empowered person. There’s no reason why you can’t imagine something and work towards it, become the type of person who has that life. and achieves it. Now let’s tackle number three. Most people don’t set goals because they’re afraid of the person that they’re going to become and they’re afraid of leaving behind the person that they are right now.

Embracing Change: Letting Go of the Comfort Zone for Growth

For instance, if you decide that you want to make more money, then you have to let go of some of the habits that you currently hold, some of the friends that you currently have. and some of the activities that you currently do. If you wanted to pivot into another profession, you have to leave your current profession behind and take the leap.

Brooke Castillo talks about this as the miserable maybe. The, I feel really safe and comfortable here, and even though I want something else, I’m afraid to let go of what I have now. It’s rooted in scarcity. You won’t be able to create it for yourself. And that’s what she is money represents is you don’t need somebody else to give you that money.

You create money yourself because you are money. You are capable of creating everything that you need in order to be safe, in order to be loved, in order to be fulfilled. But what if you have so much trust in yourself, in your capabilities, your creativity, and your ability. That you know you can let go of your current self and everything is going to be okay.

Overcoming Barriers to Goal Setting and Finding Your Path to Success

The fourth reason why most people don’t set goals is because they don’t actually care about the result. Our pivotal moment of infinite possibility occurs the moment we are born. We can become anything that our heart desires, anything that we imagine, but it shortly starts to close. That possibility in our perceived mind becomes smaller and smaller and smaller the older we get, and it occurs.

The second we’re named, we’re told your name is Johanna, you are a girl, you like art, you play the piano, you are good at math, you are not very good at soccer, and we’re given these labels. As we move forward and receive these labels, we point our direction according to that, and so does the box ourselves in, and at some point.

For me it was in my late 30s. I started to realize that things that I had invested most of my life in were things that I had not thought of myself. Many of the things that I invested most of my life in were things that somebody else had offered to me that would make a good life for me. The good news is, is that it all pretty much worked out, but there are definitely some tweaks that I’ve made in my 40s to increase my fulfillment of life based on creating and imagining.

what I actually want as a person instead of what I should be doing or what is right for me or what other people believe would be great for me to do. And that has really increased my ability to empower myself and to make decisions that I don’t back away from. So I encourage you to try and do the same.

And number six, the fifth reason why people don’t set goals is because The goal isn’t specific enough. People make goals like, I want to love deeper. I want to increase my relationships with people. I want to learn how to become a better mother. And those are great things to work towards. But if you don’t know exactly when you get there, then how can you ever get there?

there. And you aren’t able to come up with a process because you don’t know how to measure the result. And the seventh reason why most people don’t make their own goals is because they don’t know how to approach all the obstacles in the way. They get overwhelmed and they give up. Why would you even set a goal if you didn’t know how to get there?

But, the obstacle is always the way. These are the reasons why most people don’t set goals. Number one, they don’t think they can achieve them. Number two, they believe that they or somebody else will judge them about them. Number three, they’re afraid that they will change and have to leave part of themselves behind.

Number four, They don’t actually care about the result because they didn’t come up with the goal themselves. Number five, the goal isn’t specific enough and measurable enough in order to make a plan. Number six, they don’t know how to approach all the obstacles in the way. So let’s go through all of these reasons why you may not be setting your goals and talk about how to overcome those.

The first one is that you don’t think that you can achieve them. If you don’t think that you can achieve them, that is okay. Just that mind shift change that it’s okay if you don’t achieve your goal is good enough for you to accept that goal. And really, when you’re going for a goal, it’s not that you want to achieve the end result, because that would be a means to an end.

You’re looking for the achievement of the end. end result, which is the change in your experiences, the growth that you’re going to receive by moving towards that growth and the differences in your mind as you grow and open up possibilities that you never thought that you could achieve. Number two, you’re afraid that you or other people will judge you.

Well, it’s going to happen. So you need to just be okay with the fact that people are going to have their own opinions of you. But in the end, it doesn’t matter because the only thing that matters is that you stay true to yourself and you continue to work towards that goal because you believe that it is potentially possible.

Now, if you don’t believe that it’s potentially possible, then you just need to start working on that, that thought. And that’s something that we do all the time in the So Money Society as well as in my coaching practice. Number three, you’re afraid that you aren’t going to make that identity change because you’re not going to let go of who you already are.

And that goes back to belief in yourself. You need to believe that what you’re going to do is going to be worth it and that you’re the same person, you just are moving to a different level in your life. Number four, they don’t actually care about the result because it’s not actually their result that they are looking for.

And so when you’re thinking about your goal, consider is this something that somebody else wants? Am I trying to please somebody else? Am I trying to look good in front of somebody else? Or am I actually doing it for my own sense of fulfillment, because that’s what I want to happen in my life. Number five, the goal isn’t specific or measurable enough.

So that’s an easy fix. You take a look at your goal, and you ask yourself, at the end of the year, how am I going to know that I achieved that goal? What am I going to be measuring? When I look at it halfway through the year, how will I know if I’m halfway there, or if I’m all the way there, or if I haven’t made any progress at all?

Number six. You don’t know how to approach the obstacles in the way. So this is the way that you approach an obstacle. You write it down, you write down all the reasons why it’s not possible, and then every single thing that you wrote down, you take it and you make it into a challenge. So instead of, this is stopping me, you say, This is something that I can overcome.

And then from that point, you can make that a title of something and you can make a whole plan of how you could potentially overcome that. And that is how you make the obstacle the way to your success. And that’s it. Those are the six reasons why. Most people don’t set their goals and the six ways that you can overcome those reasons in order to set a goal and not feel all weird and awkward about it.

So the next time I see you and I ask you what’s going to happen for you in 2023, you’re going to be able to tell me exactly what your goal is and you’re going to feel proud about it and excited about it. So now you might be wondering, how do I exactly come up with that goal? A goal that is authentic to me, a goal that makes me feel proud of it.

And a goal that makes me feel fulfilled and makes me passionate about what I’m going to do for it today. And next time I’m going to talk about the six steps to clarifying your goal and creating the plan to achieve it without wanting to die the entire time. If you want to go deeper into it with me.

We’re working on it all month in the So Money Society with the Dream Big Masterclass and all of the coaching and collaboration that happens with that. So make sure you check us out at www. sheismoney. com if you’re interested. And in the meantime, I can’t wait to meet next time. Thanks for joining me today as you create your version of success.

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