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What if the relationship isn’t the point?


So many of us are looking for the perfect relationship. 

The Cinderella ending. 

But all the marketing, all the romantic comedies and frankly some dating experts out there are feeding us a rule that isn’t necessarily true. 

Instead, I’d like to offer you a better perspective.

Create your Cinderella ending NOW.

A fulfilling relationship now

When I met my husband for the first time, I knew he was the one for me, even if I hadn’t actually formed the thought consciously. But it wasn’t that he was a mythical prince charming (sorry Babe). I knew his strengths and his weirdness, and I accepted him as he was. In my mind, his strengths greatly outweighed any challenges or disagreements we would have in the future, and I went all in. Plus I wasn’t Miss Perfect either, and I needed someone who would be able to accept all my hot mess flaws too. The ways we interacted and shared love and ideas from the beginning weren’t going to change if we got married, and so I enjoyed every moment with him, getting to know him and getting to know myself in the process. And I loved it. Feeling the emotions and learning the dance, while growing my ability to love and share love during the journey.

So when we did get married and had our twins together, they were just new circumstances to add to our relationship and life, strengthening our commitment. There was never an expectation that things would be easier, better or different when we reached a new milestone.

Ten years out, we are continuing to grow more and more in love. I feel grateful that this was my perspective on love, because it certainly wasn’t my perspective on my career until I was about 40 years old. And that may be why I was always happier with my relationship with Michael than my job until recently.

Now I know that the pursuit of any goal must be the part you love in order to feel successful and accomplish the goal with any relative ease.

The end goal of a relationship is not to have a significant other, get married, get a pet, have a child or other achievement

What if instead of trying to find (or make) the “right” relationship for you, you try to learn how to circulate, share, receive and grow love in as many ways as possible?

What if dating and relationships was not about the goal of marriage but instead the goal of better understanding true, unconditional love?  

This means love for yourself and for others, love for what you do, and love that you receive.

This can be extrapolated to things you do during your day as well!  Be mindful of what you are doing when you are interacting with yourself, others and the universe.  Most if not all of us live in lives filled with scarcity instead of abundance, even if we are familiar with these terms.  

An appreciation of what you already have

Let me give you a little twist on your usual story that allowed me a quantum leap in my happiness when I learned and applied it.  

No matter who you are with or what you are doing, consider not what you need to make you happy, but what makes you happy that you already have.  This is a twist on gratitude, but also a way to start choosing what you really want.

When you get really good at this, the choice isn’t between something you don’t like in your life and something that you think will make you happy and fulfilled, but rather how to make what is wonderful even better…

What does this have to do with love?  Often we forget how much we wanted something when life happens.  We forget for an instant how much we longed for our partner when we get home tired and see dishes in the sink and dinner in the freezer.  We fail to remember how much we hoped for a baby when it’s 9 pm and our kids are still running around, teeth unbrushed and homework assignments just found.  We forget how hard we worked to become experts in our professions when the work is stacking up and we’re already dreading tomorrow’s load.

Don’t forget what you truly want, and what you truly wanted in the beginning, before it was so. Hold onto those blessings, accomplishments, connections, and keep growing them to create your own version of success.

If this resonates with you, and you are or know any intelligent, ambitious women who want to work on this concept and create their own version of success, join our email newsletter, where I share stories and my toolbox with you in your inbox.

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My name is Dr. Johanna B. Moore and I am a practicing physician and the founder of She is Money. This blog is not medical advice and has no connection to my medical practice.

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